Allison Collins Writes

Time continues to pass at what seems like an alarming rate. Somehow we are already more than halfway through 2024! Every year around my birthday I start reflecting. What goals have I accomplished? Which have I abandoned? Where do I hope to be the following year? Are my expectations realistic? 

Most importantly though, I contemplate what I’ve learned. Below are 29 lessons I’ve learned over the course of my life so far, in no particular order.  

1. Do the thing. 
   • Planning only goes so far. You eventually have to act. 
2. Follow your happiness. 
   • Life is too short to be miserable. Chase happiness.
3. Don’t be afraid to fail.
   • Failure is an opportunity to learn. Of course it never feels good to fail, but try to focus on the lesson. I know first hand though how that is easier said than done. 
4. Choosing happiness is not a failure. 
   • In 2022, I chose happiness even though it resulted in my divorce (something I’d always viewed as a failure). There were a lot of wrongs on both sides of that relationship that I won’t get into. Reflecting on the experience though taught me that more decisions in my life should be driven by my happiness and not public perception.
5. Sometimes being a little selfish is ok. 
   • If you always follow your happiness, people might call you selfish or self-centered. Sometimes that’s ok. Obviously don’t be a dick about it, but at the end of the day you are solely responsible for your choices and reactions to life.
6. Find people who you can laugh with until you cry. 
   • Laughter is a great medicine. Life is hard and often unfair. Try to fill some space with shared laughter. 
7. Know when to be vulnerable. 
   • It can be scary to be vulnerable with someone, but it is necessary to build connections/relationships. That said, you can’t always trust everyone. There is also a time and place to have hard conversations. Build a kernel of trust, wait for an appropriate setting, and then take a leap of faith to be vulnerable. 
8. Never stop learning. 
   • Whether life is your teacher or you’re in a classroom, continually seek knowledge. Learn and grow always. 

9. Learn the way you learn. 
   • Some people learn by doing. Others by listening. I tend to learn best when there is some structure or guidance to follow. I like projects to have clear parameters and deadlines. Once you find the way you learn, maybe you’ll like learning a bit more. 

10. Keep going. 
    • Life is hard and messy and exhausting. Even with all of the bad, it is worth it to keep going. In case you haven’t heard it lately, know that you are loved. You are enough. I’m so happy you’re here. Please stay and keep going. 

11. Love shouldn’t feel like a chore–even when it’s not easy.
    • Conflict is inevitable, but love shouldn’t be exhausting. At the end of the day, love should build you up, it should inspire. Love shouldn’t feel like an obligation.

12. Sometimes you only discover your true feelings about something when it ends. 
    • I never knew how deeply I could love until my heart was broken. 

13. Listen to your gut. 
    • Several times I’ve had an overwhelming feeling something was off in a situation. A few times, I delayed following that instinct. Putting it off didn’t change the outcome. Listen to your gut the first time. (I should note though it is important to check your bias before listening to your gut. Don’t listen to it if your gut is a bigoted douche. If necessary, teach your gut to be a decent human before listening to it.)

14. Be intentional (most of the time). 
    • Actions have reactions and consequences. Be intentional in your choices. However, don’t forget to have some fun too. A little spontaneity should be an intentional choice 😉 

15. It’s ok to not always be productive. 
    • Take a breath and relax. Social media has us constantly comparing ourselves to others. No one’s timeline for life will be the same. You want to crochet and watch Criminal Minds instead of revising your novel? Sometimes that is okay and a necessary mental break. 

16. Cherish advice even if you don’t take it.
    • We can always learn from others’ life experiences. That doesn’t mean that we need to try and mirror their choices and advice in our own situations. 

17. Risk is uncomfortable but life shouldn’t be. 
    • As someone with anxiety, I know about being uncomfortable, especially in social situations. Trying something new or taking chances can be scary. It is ok to be a little uncomfortable every now and then. But as a whole, your life should not be uncomfortable 100% of the time. 

18. Break the ties that drain you.
    • Our spirits and energies are sacred. If someone continues to push past your established boundaries, if you always leave them feeling drained, it is ok to take a step back. To remove yourself from the situation. And if necessary, you can break the connections that no longer serve you. 

19. Do things you enjoy without feeling the need to monetize it.
    • Our culture is obsessed with making money to the point any interest or hobby is seen as an earning opportunity. If you enjoy something you are allowed to keep it your own. Not everything needs to become a product. 

20. Lift up those who lift you up.
    • Finding support and cultivating those around you is important. Those who help us deserve to be helped too. 

21. Communicate your needs during a neutral situation.
    • It is so much easier to establish what you need when you’re not in a tense situation. If you need space during a disagreement, make that known before the argument starts. This way you can work with those closest to you to find conflict resolution and communication strategies that work best for you. 

22. Find the hills you will die on and be consistent.
    • It’s becoming exceedingly difficult to keep track of which companies engage in nefarious practices, which politicians have voted away some of our rights, which actors have engaged in criminal behavior or supported someone who has. My solution to this is to pick something small and stay consistent. For example, I won’t shop at Hobby Lobby due to the business practices and the morals of its owners. I only use cruelty free makeup. But financially I am not in the place to never patronize Walmart or to completely stop shopping at Amazon. I’m starting with small, intentional consumer decisions and will continue to make changes as I’m financially able. 

23. Admit when you’re wrong.
    • Part of learning is learning we’ve been wrong. It is ok and commendable even to admit this. Essentially, don’t die on the wrong hill if it turns out that hill is actually a crater. We can grow and evolve as we learn.

24. Step back and listen.
    • If you are like me, you have some type of privilege in this world. We all do. When marginalized voices are speaking, be quiet and listen. Do not excuse or qualify their experiences to be more palatable. Recognize your privilege, be that race, education, sexuality, gender, economic status, etc., and learn how you can leverage it to help. Keep in mind though that sometimes the best first step is truly listening and learning. 

25. You are not the center of the universe.
    • While we are all main characters in our story, we are NPCs in other people’s stories. Earlier I said it’s ok to be a little selfish sometimes. Just remember that the world is filled with billions of people who have their own lives, struggles, hopes, and accomplishments. Stay humble. Also, people aren’t thinking about you as much as your anxiety says they are.

26. You are an individual but not isolated.
    • We all feel that we are completely unique. While it is true that the likelihood of two people having the exact same life experiences from birth to death is virtually impossible, our stories will have still similarities. We will be different people. But still. You are not alone. 

27. Don’t compromise your morals and values to maintain a relationship.
    • You don’t have to agree with everyone around you on any issue. If your disagreements revolve around human rights and moral issues, you should not compromise. Just be a good human to those around you.

28. Find your motivation.
    • Sometimes my motivation to do the dishes after work is keeping my shoes on until they’re done. Other times I find motivation by having a change of scenery. No matter how mundane it seems, if something small motivates you, use it to your advantage.

29. It’s okay to ask for help–nobody can do it alone.
    • This final lesson is one I am continuing to learn. Have grace for yourself and know that asking for help is revealing a strength and not a weakness. Save yourself the stress of floundering alone and ask for support.

What are some of the lessons you’ve learned from the great teacher of life? Are there any lessons you wish you learned sooner?